Bad Mom vs Good Mom

Under normal circumstances, I think all moms are great, all moms are trying their very best to raised their children. Sometimes, the outside world seems to be more openly judgmental to how certain mother actions in raising the kids.

"You are a bad mom!" This phrase was thrown to me by a certain someone once upon a time a go. Why? Was I at wronged? I had confided to this person that I felt exhausted to the brink that I couldn't make myself go home. I was raising a small baby (Farissa was about 4 months that time) alone and I just hated the thought of coming home to my baby. We were living separately Bobby and I, he was in Miri and I was here. 

Hated. Instead of comforting and supporting, this someone preferred to have some sort of life comparisons. Was it fair? Of course not! That person circumstances, meaning to say life was so much different from mine. However, I too start believing those words "I am a bad mom". Which now, I think is total crap! The statement thrown to me was so wrong that I started living and proving that I am otherwise.

Getting out of hatred reach. Having positive people surrounded us is so important. But finding the right people who will love us conditionally is always difficult. Family? Sometimes, they do take role but most times they are busy with their own lives and family. Sometimes, they are just too much distance between. Immediate people are those people which surrounds us daily. Your office buddies, babysitter, or family doctor. Those immediate people really helps me find my center.

I started feeling confident with my role as a mom. Only then, I was able to shine. Proving to a lot of people that I am stronger and that I capable of raising my own kid, most time alone. Loving the moment even though sometimes life challenges are tough and sucky. Leaving all negativity behind me. Feeling much better in the end.

Why are you such as a perfectionist?! Can you really blame me? My brother once called me a "cleaning" freak in a fond way, I think. My mom, I believe was quite uncomfortable staying in my house for fear that I hated the mess. Somehow, I couldn't stop myself. I like organization, cleaning, structure at my home. I try to stick to a schedule everyday when I come home. Because if I don't, I will go mad. 

Washing, organizing the kitchen, laundry, feed the baby, bring up the baby, bath, pray, eat, dishes, tv time, tuck Farissa in and sleep (all before 9pm). Usually by 9.15pm I will already be on bed. This schedule goes on every single day except if Mr. Bob was at home. My routine to keep me sane. :) 

Having kids really helps me a lot to break this habit of mine. Its ok to let the baby have his snacks all by himself on the baby chair I can always vacuum afterwards. Its ok to let Farissa play in the living room, smacking all the cushions and jumping on the sofa I can always straighten it back before bedtime.

Changing. Trying to change is the key. Change for the betterment of my kids and family. Trying to let go.

.... So, you know what? I think I am a good mom.. and I am proud of myself to constantly change and be a better person.. Insyallah..

Well, before I go and leave you with all Ruzain superadorablelicious photos, I want to wish all Muslims throughout the world "Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin"